Back..I'm back

It's OK to feel a little lost now and again,

It's OK to take a path that fate has labelled for you,

And it's OK to get half way down that road and think "Hey...

What the f*ck am I doing here?"

For me this seems to happen on a regular basis.

I have my mind and soul in the right place,

For now.

I feel good about myself,

My life,

My future,

And the future of those around me.

I am glad I chose this path,

And Yes, that's Me, I chose this,

Not through some sense of duty,

Or loyalty,

Or pity.

But because I feel it's here I belong,

Here I can grow,

Here where I am most alive.

I don't know what the future holds,

And I'm not afraid anymore,

Cos when it comes down to it,

I know I can survive anything,

I have up 'til now!

Thank YOU,

YOU know who you are,

For sharing a small part of your existence with me,

For sharing your heart,

Your dreams,

Your fears,

And hopes.

I'm sorry I can't take you any further down this road with me,

But I am not sorry for all that has gone before,

Only the hurt.

Take Care,

Always in my heart,

Miss M xx

Losing myself

Once more I am at a loss as how to express myself,
Obviously I am getting it wrong or you would not say those things.
I am here, Yes because I choose to be,
And Yes, it means saying Goodbye to all that we had,
But it does not mean forgetting,
Or undermining all those feelings,
And it definitely doesn't mean that I no longer feel them,
Cos I do!
There are days when I just go crazy,
With so many mixed up thoughts in my head and nowhere to express them,
Except here of course.
I'm always looking for a text,
A mail,
A single link of communication to you,
But this is it,
All we allow ourselves,
Or all I allow you.
I know you want more,
But you also know I can't handle more,
It drove me almost insane with indecision,
And angst,
And a pain so raw,
I had to step back.
Step back here into the comfort and knowing of my life,
Where Yes,  I feel safe,
And Needed.
And lick this raw, open wound you have left within me,
For I need to Heal myself,
For I am no good to anyone with a broken soul.
So for now I will lose myself within this shelter,
Feed this aching spirit back to normality,
And then,
Only then,
Can I look at myself once more,
And see my true direction.

Sugar x